Where is Pitlochry and how do I get there?

Pitlochry is in Planet Scotland, about 40 minutes’ drive north of Edinburgh.

The best way to get there is by helicopter. However, if you do not have a big chopper, I recommend you drive or take a train.

It’s approximately a six and a half hour drive from York in a normal car, or a five hour drive in a Porsche Turbo with several speeding tickets.

The train is on the East Coast service and arrives 50 yards from the hotel.

There is a direct service from York at 14.02 on the Friday, which arrives in Pitlochry at 18.29. The journey time is 4 hours 27 minutes and the cost at the moment is £95. You need to book it, as it’s a very busy service and will probably not take your bike.

If I go on the train, what about my bike?

Mike Gray and I will take approximately 30 bikes in a van to Pitlochry. We will detail arrangements nearer the time. It will be on a first come first served basis. Please use the contact form to tell us if you would like us to take your bike, or email us on info@bigbadbikeride.com.

What happens when I arrive?

Lovely Lorraine or I will register you and give you your shirt and take your bike off you to store in a room. We will also give you a name tag for your bike. For those with expensive designer bikes, you will probably want to take the bike to your own room and cuddle next to it.

What time does the ride start?

9.00 am Saturday morning. We will all start in one group with all the good looking girls at the front for photogenic purposes.

We also hope to have a piper and drummer to kick us off and give us that authentic Scottish feeling (i.e. it feels like one continuous hangover).

Who will I be sleeping with?

It’s preferable if you sleep with someone you know, or maybe someone you want to know. There are not many single rooms so we prefer it, if you indicate a sleeping partner on your registration.

How tough is the Bike Ride?

Not too tough. The route is UNDULATING which means that you never get a long stretch upwards or downwards.

There is one big hill and one fast downhill stretch. Paradoxically, the flattest part is the 20 mile extra loop for the keen bikers. Anybody who did the 50 mile route in Peebles should set themselves the goal of the 70 mile ride in Pitlochry.

How do I pay for the trip?

Once your application has been accepted you will be sent an email with a link to our payment page. You will pay a £35 deposit or you can if you wish pay the total amount (£150) at that time. The deposit is non-refundable.

If you have paid the deposit only you will be asked to pay the balance in June 2010.

Payment is online by credit or debit card via PayPal. You do not need a PayPal account in order to pay via PayPal.

Do I get a Sexy Top?

Yes – I will be providing each entrant with a sexy riding top which you will be able to wear with pride when you go to the gym and show your mother how beautiful you looked at one stage in your life.

To get the sexy top you must complete your measurements accurately when you register. If possible, we will print your name on the inside so we can identify your body correctly. (It costs £35, so please note that if you do not pay the full cost of the trip and cancel, we will keep your deposit.)

Is there a Sexy T shirt too?

Yes, probably. I am looking for a good supplier and will email details to all entrants. This will be an extra at your own cost.

Sponsorship: How much must I raise?

We have always had some fantastic sponsorship amounts. Some people are capable of raising large sums from their business contacts. However, for mere mortals, the minimum sponsorship commitment is £250. I expect you to pay this amount in whether you have achieved it in sponsorship or not. It’s a commitment not a passing thought!

The best way to collect sponsorship is via Just Giving.

What if I want to make my own accommodation arrangements?

You may want to bring your family, stay in a tent, stay with friends or sleep rough on the roadside.

This is possible. However, I should warn you that that weekend is also the biggest weekend for visitors to Pitlochry due to the fact that the Highland Games is also taking place on the Friday and Saturday.

If you wish to make your own arrangements but also attend the Gala dinner, you will need to discuss this with me before the event as I will have to negotiate a price for the dinner alone and inform the hotel.

This option is now open to all entrants.

If you decide to make your own accommodation arrangements, you will pay only the £35 entry fee. (This does not include attendance of the Gala dinner, which will be arranged and paid for separately.)

If you are staying with the group at the hotel, you will need to pay your £35 deposit now, and an additional £115 by June 2010, or alternatively you can pay the full £150 now.

Photos: will you get me from the right angle?

We intend to have a sports photographer at the ride, who will take photos throughout the day. They will be on sale at the hotel in the evening.

Will there be any Bumstops?

Yes – we will supply you with chocolate biscuits and drink at three places on the Ride. We will have a lunch stop at a cafe where there are toilet and wash facilities. Men have ongoing toilet facilities thoughout the ride and bold women also can feel the welcome of the Scottish countryside.

www.escape-route.biz

Will there be bike back-up?

Yes, as in previous years Cigar Dave will be on hand to tell you your bike is buggered.

However, this year we have a superb bike shop called Escape Route located 100 yards from the hotel. They will be open late on the Friday night and will open early on the Saturday morning especially for us!

Is there a cut off time?

This will depend on weather conditions on the day. However if you are trailing so far behind that it means that our sweep truck is not being able to keep with the main body of the ride… we will ask you to get in the truck.

Where are we starting the ride?

We will start the ride from the rear garden of the hotel and almost immediately be on hard road surface.

What do I need on this trip?

A check list:

Gear:

• A sense of humour
• A small overnight bag containing a few clothes, your G-string and your sexy dancing dress. (The girls can wear anything they like!)
• A small day bag (e.g. a small rucksack) You will be able to leave a bag with us if you want and have access to it at the bumstop at lunch time.
• Sweatshirts (if it’s cold)
• Tight long cycling trousers (if it's very cold)
• An expensive nicely coloured waterproof (if it’s rainy)
• Money
• A copy of your will
• A sexy lycra cycling top (we will give you one but it might be an idea to take a spare winter top)
• Small warm socks (big socks look uncool. Liz Greirson please note..)
• Cycling shorts. Do not let the cycling shops talk you into these shorts with the cross over bra as you end up looking as bad as my friend Plug… and he’s bad.
• Cycling gloves
• A kilt for the ceilidh

Equipment

• A fully functioning bike in working order (the lighter the better) A racer is best as all the roads are good. Mountain bikes are OK but are slow on the flat.
• A spare innertube.
• A couple of tyre levers
• A pump
• A water bottle on the bike
• A cycle helmet
• A kitchen sink
• Cycle shoes. SPDs or trainers are recommended (cycle clips are unnecessary and will be a hindrance on this ride and you can’t wear them in town!)
• A bandanna (all cool cyclists wear them, especially if you’re bald and your skull gets cold)